Monday, July 25, 2011

An Attempt at Honesty
I jacked this picture from the blog My Cross-Stich Corner.
Link above for all my crafting hommies 
IN true Michelle fashion I ditched one of my new Philly friends last weekend. We had plans to chill after work on Friday night. When she called to meet up I didn't answer my phone. I sunk into hobbit mode, turned my phone on silent and sat on my bum all night. I have a very bad habit of doing this. And, I think that all my friends take it personally. I know I would.

On Monday I said I was sorry to her and she said she forgave me. Later she asked me why I had done it. I wanted to lie. I wanted to say I was super busy, I fell asleep, I lost my phone. I didn't. I told her the truth. "No offense, it's just something I do." I explained that I am a giant flake. I told her I had no good reason for ditching her. I told her that I sat on my ass in my apartment watching crap on the internet and stuffing my face.

She seemed offended. She seemed like she wanted an excuse. Then the confusion left her face and she seemed to really appreciate that I had been honest about it. I told her that I was working on it.

Verdict: I love being honest! Putting it out on the table means that there are no more excuses. Yes, I am a flake. Yes, I am working on it. No, I will not disrespect you by laying down some lame excuse.

If any one out there is dealing with a flakey friend, my advice to you is to be honest. The next time they try to feed you the BS, don't eat. Simply tell them, "that was a shitty thing to do, you are being a crappy friend." Hopefully her skin is thick enough to appreciate criticism and her soul is poised enough to change.

If I am your flakey friend...Thank you for loving me anyway. I am working on it.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Attempts to Evolve

What am I using my voice for? And, when am I going to speak up? Preguntas. I am using my voice for art. I am ready to speak up now.

My experiment with radical honesty has been a bust thus far. I am still telling little white lies about nothing. I can not say why. It is almost as if I have nothing better to say. This tells me I am not trying hard enough. I have plenty to say and a unique creativity with which to express. I will say that I am encouraged by this concept to be more of myself and hopefully this will come through in my artwork.

With that said, I have looked back on my past posts and felt that these are not good representations of myself. Or maybe they are just not good enough for me. Is it a crime to delete a post? I want to erase the past and start over. But, I can't do that in life, and something in my heart is telling me that I do not want to do it with my blog. If I erase the past I will have no idea how far I have really come.

Finding a voice takes time, patience, and dedication. It does not come to you in the night. I hope that my voice has become more meaningful. I hope it deserves to be heard among the passionate. And, when they look over my work with judgmental eyes I hope that they remember that we are all phoenixes. Our lives have ups and downs and we can only return to the world of the inspired through the ashes.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

I Think You Are Fat Too

A dear friend of mine, the only one who ever reads my blog, said that he could no longer look at it because all I write about is hating men. I cannot tell a lie, though I have told many, I am bitter. And I am expressing this bitterness in the form of "art". But, if my art is offending my only follower I guess my preferred subject matter may need some tweaking.

I would like for my writing to be meaningful. I love being inspired and I like to think I have the potential to be inspiring. Man bashing does not compel me to think positively nor to engage in positive acts nearly as much as I thought it would. So, I guess it’s time to broaden my scope and write about something else….
Yesterday Stephanie Kowal, internet queen, posted this interesting article on her g-status.

"I Think You're Fat" --A.J Jacobs
Normally I try to stay away from mainstream magazines. I do not like the idea of the entertainment industry doing the corporations bidding. I do not like that they produce dribble about inconsequential people to lure us away from the facts. But, I do indulge every now in them. What can I say? I love a good train wreck. Deep down it probably makes me feel better about myself. Or, maybe, I'm just trying to escape like everyone else.

Either way, it forced me to confront my own issues with honesty. I lie all the time. I lie to spare other people's feelings and I lie to spare my own. I lie to get out of commitments. I lie just because I am not used to telling the truth. I do not particularly love the true version of my life. It seems lacking.

However, my lying has defiantly affected the way that other people view me and the way that I view myself. My lies make me a flake and as a result no one ever takes any of my pursuits seriously. I have rededicated myself to my passions (at least I’m trying to) and I am excited to share my voice with the world. But, who is going to listen? If I want to be respected as a woman of vision and integrity I really do need to change my lying ways.

I think I would like to start giving radical honesty a try. I think the only way to totally ditch old habits is to completely throw myself into new ones.

I will let you know how it goes.