Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Single Black Female Seeking Growth

I am 24 years old. I can not believe that I am 24 years old. I can not believe that I am where I am right now. I thought I had a plan for my life. At this point I can not even remember what it was. Life has this funny way of turning everything upside down when you feel like you are finally right side up.

My ducks, though not in a row, are finally back on the ground. Now I am faced with the challenge of figuring out how to line them up. I am afraid to line them up. I am afraid that life will spit in my face yet again. I always try to think of myself as a strong person, and some of my closer friends try to indulge this, but really I'm just a punk.

I don't want to be afraid to go after the things that I want because I may not get them. That is what I'm doing now and the only thing I'm getting is no where. I feel like the last runner in a marathon. Everyone else seems to have everything all figured out. Do they? Or are they just faking it better than I am?

I guess that is really not my concern. I am the only person with whom I should be concerned. That is a lesson I learned recently. I think I spun my tires for so long because I was too busy concentrating on everyone else. That has always been easier for me. As a result, every one around me has gotten the love and attention they need to grow. Meanwhile I am sitting in the shadows battling weeds and fighting for sunlight.

I am trying to address my own stuff. I am trying to nurture myself in hopes that one day I'll grow as tall as the other plants in my garden. I want to feel the sun on my face too.

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