Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Single Black Female Seeking Growth
My ducks, though not in a row, are finally back on the ground. Now I am faced with the challenge of figuring out how to line them up. I am afraid to line them up. I am afraid that life will spit in my face yet again. I always try to think of myself as a strong person, and some of my closer friends try to indulge this, but really I'm just a punk.
I don't want to be afraid to go after the things that I want because I may not get them. That is what I'm doing now and the only thing I'm getting is no where. I feel like the last runner in a marathon. Everyone else seems to have everything all figured out. Do they? Or are they just faking it better than I am?
I guess that is really not my concern. I am the only person with whom I should be concerned. That is a lesson I learned recently. I think I spun my tires for so long because I was too busy concentrating on everyone else. That has always been easier for me. As a result, every one around me has gotten the love and attention they need to grow. Meanwhile I am sitting in the shadows battling weeds and fighting for sunlight.
I am trying to address my own stuff. I am trying to nurture myself in hopes that one day I'll grow as tall as the other plants in my garden. I want to feel the sun on my face too.